First post

Some random thoughts: Always be cautious about people who don’t look you in the eye when they talk to you, open doors for women… they like it and its not that hard… really, treat people how you want to be treated, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, if you slap someone in the face, you will get slapped back in the face, so if you don’t want to be slapped, don’t slap someone, what goes around does come around… eventually, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but your time is coming, and it will be worse because it will be when you least expect it, its worse to be disappointed in something someone doesn’t do than hurt by most things they will do to you, nothing is worse than giving up because it says you wont even try, most things are mind over matter… you can decide what you want to do, most people just give up or try something else before they get there, but if you don’t get the opportunity you have to know you tried everything to get there, if you didn’t it’s a horrible feeling, the body has a natural tendency to makes itself stronger when it fails so it can succeed the next time so push harder each time and you will get farther, apply that to your life. Never settle, you know what you want and at this point the list should be getting longer not shorter, you never know so ask, never feel bad for trying, if you get shot down get up at least you know what it feels like now and the next time it will be worse, but you can take so much more than you think you can, so move on and don’t stay in the same place, use the things that scar you and the things that hurt you in the past to drive you to get what you want in life, just because someone lets you down doesn’t mean you have to let yourself down, conquer your fears, tackle your dreams, and at the end of the day love the person you see in the mirror because if you cant, who can.

Elevator ethics… when you get on the elevator hung over on a Monday morning and you can barely hold yourself up after you have been driving in traffic for an hour trying to see straight, why is it that people feel obligated to start up a conversation with you that will usually end with a “Have a good one” before you get one word out otherwise. First of all, the phrase “Have a Good one” is just stupid to me. It’s like when someone asks you a question and before you answer it they yell the answer out like, Ha… I beat you, I wasn’t really interested in what you have to say, I just wanted to hear myself speak and to let you know to “Have a Good one”. And what is the “one.” Is it my day, my drive home, my walk into my house after work to find 3 supermodels waiting on me, I mean what are we talking about here so I know what “one” I’m supposed to have that is good. I can tell you this, I would be “having a good one” if I wasn’t in this elevator headed to the 6th layer of hell talking to you, but tell us how you really feel about your job now 4rest, really.

I have found lately that I’m pissed off about a lot of things, so in light of that I decided to list them. Today’s questions for a million dollars… why is there traffic?... wait for it, just a second, oh yeah I know, its because of stupid people that don’t know how to drive. Its funny how the State of Texas spends so much $ on signs to warn people that their exit is coming up and yet they wait another mile or two thinking something will miraculously open up in the line of 2,000 cars. Then they cut off 20 people as they cross four lanes all while waiving and thanking everyone whose tires are smoking for letting them by. Sure, no problem, I was in your way, lets do this again tomorrow. Its funny how the people going 80 have no trouble changing lanes yet the ones doing 25 seem to have so much trouble with it. My favorite is the lane merger. A big yellow sign that says Get Over or Lane Ends, merge right! And yet this sign is interpreted as pass on left till lane ends and cut off everyone, but don’t tell anyone because you are the only genius who thought of this, today is your lucky day, tomorrow the guy behind you gets a turn, don’t tell him though, it’s a surprise. Semi trucks… wow, these guys are so delirious from driving for 30 hours straight that they don’t realize they aren’t in Ferraris with trailers, and they need to get the hell out of the left lane. What do they do instead, drive ten miles an hour faster than they are supposed to, in the wrong lane, and cause a 14 car pile up that results in what else, you guessed it traffic. What a vicious cycle. Here is an idea, you drive for a living, how bout timing it to where you aren’t in rush hour trying to switch five lanes with a 200 foot trailer, just a thought but what do I know, I’m just trying to get home from work.

Bathroom ethics… I have received some random emails about this stuff, which are all funny, but the sad part is that they aren’t really followed. First off, let me say to the 40 year old man who just had chili dogs… I’m just trying to wash my hands and get the hell out of here so can I have just ten seconds before you come in here and there are murders. I know whats about to happen, and so do you, that is the only thing we should share, not the experience. Seriously, I don’t know what these people do at home, but have a heart, I don’t live with you, Im just an innocent bystander and I sure didn’t sign on for this. Take it easy, maybe we should do a sign in sheet on the outside of the door or sign up for specific times so I don’t ever have to deal with this awkward situation ever again. If you walk in and someone is doing some paperwork, give the person some privacy for crying out loud, don’t take your contacts out or even worse don’t post up next to them and ask for TP, that’s just weird man. This building has 30 stories with 100 bathrooms and you decided to come read the paper in this one, right now, what are the chances.

I recently have made the mistake of having people over nearly every weekend to my house to have some cocktails. What I haven’t figured out, is somehow my house got turned into a bar thus making my bathroom a bar restroom. I don’t know what these guys do when they go in there, but a bathroom and a shower is supposed to be a clean place, where God forbid you make yourself cleaner. Its like a bomb goes off in there and everything is moved all around. I don’t know how putting wet towels on the floor, moving floor mats, adding water to a roll of toilet paper, ripping down the shower curtain, putting tooth brushes in trash cans, smearing tooth paste on the mirror in the shape of a penis, or writing your name in shampoo all result in the toilet being in a different place or functioning differently. In the end that is the whole point of going in the room to begin with, unless this is some funny joke I don’t know about, if so very funny guys. Its not like Im hiding the trash cans in the living room or kitchen either. I don’t understand why putting a beer can in the trash is such a hard thing to do. Cigarette… meet ash tray, ash tray… meet cigarette, discuss. I haven’t told anyone this yet, but instead of getting a part time job on the weekends I decided to dress up like a maid, put on some Phil Collins, and clean my house for a few hours every Sat & Sun morning, its more rewarding for me than making $ or sleeping, thanks to everyone for their help in trashing my house so I can do this. Maybe I need to look into getting a bathroom attendant for Friday nights, maybe Chuck Norris if he is available, a nice roundhouse body kick to tha face would make people think twice about setting up a slip and slide in my bathroom wouldn’t it? I think locking the bathroom door would be cheaper, but then again I would have to replace the bathroom door so probably not, I wonder how much Chuck would run me? No telling how many doors he would kick down when he was bored.

I want to do a psychology experiment on what happens to attractive women as they get older. For some reason these girls grow up getting so much attention which they aren’t ever ready for that they turn into head cases and lose their damn minds. If she is attractive guess what, you are the 50th guy today to tell her that so shut up. She knows she is thanks to you and the other 49 guys today, which is why she has on the skirt, and the bra which makes her tits look twice their size. Her head is so big it barely fits on her shoulders and even if it does it will fall off eventually when it gets pulled in 15 different directions by 15 different guys. Let me guess, but you really like this one so you can make a difference, well… heard that before, even said it before, but get in line, take a number buddy. Does she have a boyfriend, of course she does, she may have five, you are #67 on the list so its not looking so good for you. But hey look at my ticket, there is hope, I’m #23, I may have a shot before Easter… yes, starting to get somewhere! You poor bastards. Does anyone know if there is a line somewhere with normal people in it. What is normal is a good question so maybe normal isn’t the best word to choose. Lets try attractive people who don’t suck. Most of the relationships I see make me physically sick to my stomach. Why do people make things so complicated and use their looks which are arguable as a reason to treat people like shit. And if your relationship does suck, I never asked to hear about it, so quit asking me for advice especially if you aren’t going to listen to me when I do give it. It’s a waste of my time to talk to a brick wall and some people pay good money for this shit. I will leave you with this one for free: Relationships are very simple, not simple in that you don’t have to make a lot of decisions, simple in that they are easy decisions if you care about the person and if you care about yourself. Its usually a Yes or No, followed by the necessary action which says so much more. Relationships can be summed in a multiple choice test question with three answers that most people keep getting wrong. When in a relationship… do you:

a.) Become best friends, have the time of your lives, build a life around each other including one another in your own.
b.) Fight all the time, hurt each other, drag on something that’s not there b/c you are comfortable being miserable b/c you have no confidence.
c.) Settle for what you know you can get from one other, be happy not to be alone, give up on what you want b/c you don’t have patience to wait for it.

I know what you are saying, I have the same problem deciding myself, maybe if we form a study group or get a hold of the test from last year we can figure it out. Here is a hint, It’s A, some people just need to hear that.

Now I’m not married, but I do know people on both sides of this argument, so I’m going to pick one. Just because you are married, doesn’t mean you have to lose all your friends. Yes you are married, congratulations by the way. Yes, you will have to spend a lot of time with your husband/wife, please let me know how the trip to Bed Bath & Beyond was. But come on man, seriously, one night a week, maybe every two weeks or even a month, to hang out with a friend, that’s healthy. It’s not saying you don’t want to spend time with your significant other, but it does say I care enough to give you the time, and I expect it too. Those people who stood next to you during your wedding made an impact on your life and helped get you to where you were that day, you respected them enough to have them stand next to you on that day, or watch from a seat, and share that moment with you. They were supposed to be celebrating a new chapter of your life with you, not saying goodbye to you. Your wife/husband will get you through the next twenty or thirty years, but some of your friends had your back long before and you are slapping them in the face acting like that doesn’t matter now. Just something to think about.

To go even further, despite popular belief in some areas, just because you are married, you definitely don’t have everything figured out. Just because you are engaged you don’t have everything figured out. This act does not help you figure anything out other than who you are ideally supposed to spend the rest of your life with. Congrats on that again but I hate to tell you, You are never going to have everything figured out, so quit lying to yourself, and quit feeding me bullshit I don’t want to hear. If you are married, that doesn’t give you the right to look down on your single friends like they are doing something wrong. They are living their life, and you are living yours. They may have different ideas about what you do, but they are not you, just like you are not them, never have been, never will be. Being married puts more on your plate, so does having kids, so you don’t have everything figured out, you have more to figure out, because that is what has been dealt to you right now. What has been dealt to me, being single, hanging out with friends, going to bars, trying to meet people, and making something of myself, is what has been handed to me so I’m going with it, doing my best, I don’t judge, what I have on my plate cant be compared to what you have on yours, so just handle your own business because you have plenty of it, and I will do the same. It’s said that I expect nothing from you anymore, but there are plenty of reasons for that, and I wont be judged based on what I do, because I’m consistent and never turned my back on anyone who made the same efforts as I do. It’s a tough thing to realize one day when you figure out who your true friends really are, who the people in your life you dated that really cared about you are, and who the people are that were around just when it was convenient. I’m finding that out more and more every day and it makes me questions a lot of things, mostly how people can be so selfish.

~Woods~